The Biggest Light of All

The Biggest Light of All

Cherith Lehman, with thanks to Martin Waddell for the italics

“Once there were two bears, Big Bear and Little Bear. Big Bear is the big bear, and Little Bear is the little bear.” It's my favorite bedtime book. With the dark blue cover and the big yellow moon spilling it's cool-warm light over Big Bear holding Little Bear out of the snow. I am always Little Bear and Big Bear is Mom and Dad combined. Combined, because sometimes Dad reads it and sometimes Mom reads it and there's only one Big Bear.

When it got dark, Big Bear took Little Bear to the Bear Cave and put him to bed in the dark part of the cave. But Little Bear couldn't get to sleep.

“Can't you sleep, Little Bear?” asked Big Bear, putting down his Bear Book (which was just getting to the interesting part) and padding over to the bed.

“I'm scared,” said Little Bear.

“Why are you scared, Little Bear?” asked Big Bear.

“I don't like the dark,” said Little Bear.

“What dark?” said Big Bear.

“The dark all around us,” said Little Bear.

And I always feel, deep inside me, the timid teeny voice of Little Bear, always afraid of the dark.

Big Bear looked, and he saw that the dark part of the cave was very dark, so he went to the Lantern Cupboard and took out the tiniest lantern that was there.

I cuddle up in the glow, just like Little Bear.

But it's never enough, when you're looking at the dark. There's so much more dark in this Bear Cave than light. So Big Bear gets up from the Bear Book (just four pages from the interesting part) and pads over to the Lantern Cupboard for a bigger lantern. And then the Biggest Lantern of Them All, with two handles and a piece of chain.

And when I can't find any more dark inside the cave, I peek outside at the night. And I just can't go to sleep anymore.

“What dark?” asked Big Bear.

“The dark all around us,” said Little Bear.

“But I brought you the Biggest Lantern of Them All, and there isn't any dark left,” said Big Bear.

“Yes, there is !” said Little Bear. “There is. Out there!” And he pointed out of the Bear Cave at the night.

Then Big Bear takes Little Bear out in the dark.

“Ooooh! I'm scared,” said Little Bear, cuddling up to Big Bear.

Big Bear lifted Little Bear and cuddled him and said, “Look at the dark, Little Bear.” And Little Bear looked.

“I've brought you the moon, Little Bear,” said Big Bear.

It's funny, how after all these years, that book has never made me cry until now. Thinking about how, as a tormented eleven-year-old, I crept to Mom and Dad's bed every night for weeks trying to escape the dark. Until one night, when Dad knelt with me beside my bed and I found the Biggest Light of Them All.

But that wasn't the end, either. Standing here, at the entrance to the Bear Cave, Big Bear is sitting back in the Bear Chair reading the Bear Book. He looks over his round glasses, to make sure I'm not gone yet. But one of these days I will be.

I shake a little as I stand there. Is it dark across the ocean? May I take my light? And I hear a little voice inside me say, “Why are you scared, Little Bear?” It's what I've been scared of all along. The dark all around us. And so I walk out there in the snow and I look at the dark. I look at the shadows lurking under the trees and the wind whipping the snow around in the cold. Then I see it, where it's always been, hanging above the trees, the Biggest Light of Them All. Its cool-warm light spills over everything and then... then I'm not looking at the dark anymore.